Monday, December 17, 2012

Whom Should I Trust?


For my entire life i have been fearing everything, 
Since childhood, wasn't not fear of people.. it was a fear of the future
I  fear of having depression one day, fear of losing someone to the dead or even failing a semester..
I haven't experienced any of these yet, i just was fearful
I have been anxious all the time

I tried to have hope
I liked the notion of' "having hope"
But was too positive and abstract
I tried it too many times but it fails
The idea of "hope" what failed not me,

Because i know that i don't give up something
This might look like me giving up but it's not,
I give up the strategy, not the goal
Anyway i don't to look like explaining my self,

I have known 'Reliance on Allah' since i have been child too..
But i have been taught (it) in abstract way,
I once read a Dua in Arabic in someone's Whatsapp status which it might be translated into:
Oh God, do not abandon me to myself even for the blink of an eye
It means ( do not leave me in charge of my affairs even for the blink of an eye)
It just went deep in my heart, like if i have been holding the worries of all humankind in my chest.. 
And the more i say it, the more i trust Him, the more i feel worry-free..
It is not just taking the easy way to free my self from worries, it led me to remember that all my life is planned Before i was even born, but the realization of our pre-planned fate gave me the strong trust in Allah.
Now i discover why is "hope" useless
And yes (why is "hope") not (why was "hope")
Because hope by it self is just fake, fake because it lacks some thing which is:
(hope in Allah's will), because "hope" doesn't own the ability to affect my life or anyone. 
But Allah does!

I have stories with Reliance on Allah, 
Which happened to me, not to others'.
I might write one day some of them Inshallah..

short YouTube Video:

Long one:

Allah: (=God)
Dua: (= Verbal prayer, not the preformed prayer)
Inshallah: (= If Allah pleases, if Allah meant it to be)

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